February 2010
15 posts
And what about living?
Thinking about death led me fairly directly to thinking about living: “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” is always a good question, but it does come up with a certain vivacity in the afterglow of a cancer diagnosis. My immediate and overriding objective in life, of course, is getting well. But what of the big picture? I don’t feel like defining my existence...
January 2010
7 posts
So what about dying?
So there I was in my hotel room on the outskirts of Paris, shortly before I was scheduled to meet a dear Parisian friend for dinner. And I had the email with my diagnosis, bonging the big bell of mortality over and over.
The first thought that occurred to me, and which probably occurs to most people who are confronted with a cancer diagnosis, was “Am I going to die?”
And of course,...
On the other side of this email, everything will...
I’ve always been fond of this part of the Burning Man festival origin legend:
Ten years ago a small caravan of vehicles stopped at the edge of the empty vastness of the Black Rock desert, a place where you could gain nothing or lose it all and no one would ever know. Danger Ranger took a stick, drew a line across the earth, and said “On the other side of this line, there exists a...
I know good news when I hear it
Brief report, rumination-free. More of the philosophical hoo-ha after Wednesday. Right now, I need to devote my attention to preparing to teach a class tomorrow.
Went for first chemo today. It’s hard to not be a little apprehensive about that. They started with anti-nausea in my PICC-line. Then they pushed a dose of Mitomycin. Then they got me started on a four-day continuous infusion of...
How I found out I had cancer
A few years ago, after seeing a small amount of red blood in my stool, I went to my GP, who diagnosed a hemorrhoid. The best way to confirm that diagnosis is by digital inspection of the wazoonie. I am probably not alone in being reluctant to request such an exam. I need to get one annually, to make sure my prostate isn’t going rogue, but I confess that I’ve let years go by in the past...
Why is Howard's butt blogging? (Start here)
What’s happening with Howard’s butt?
I might as well deal with the icky part at the beginning: On January 15, 2010, I learned that I had been diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma of the rectum. While very very few people might want to have butt cancer at all, it turns out that the kind I have is relatively desirable because it probably does not require surgical removal of my...