When all this started, one of Judy’s wise remarks was “Maybe this is the new normal.” After all, everything changes — why shouldn’t “normal life” change?

Doctors keep warning me about the onerous side-effects of treatment, and while I wouldn’t recommend going through what I’m going through, diet and medication and meditation seem to be helping me a great deal. On my doctor’s advice, I didn’t attend my usual Stanford class on Tuesday, but participated remotely via videoskype and Twitter. My student co-teaching teams and substitute ringleader did a great job, and I was able to maintain some presence.

Nevertheless, I’m making plans to attend the last two classes of the quarter, next Tuesday and the Tuesday after that.

As it has been explained to me, as the tumor sloughs off, it leaves behind a wound, and that wound will be increasingly painful. I’m moving to a more powerful painkiller, and P+T gave me a great meditation that has helped me to teach my body to not clench around the pain like a fist. I’m sure that many people deal with much much greater pain than this. I’m pretty sure I can do it. I know that I have to try. I have no way of knowing whether my students appreciate how important it is to me to be present for them in every way possible, but I know that for my own personal and professional dedication, it’s important for me to try.

Maybe the doctors are right and I’ll get hit with a world of hurt. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I will but will be able to deal with it well enough to teach one more three-hour class in person and attend the three hour final course session where the students present their magnificent collaborative projects.

Onward!