I just got back from my radiation oncologist. He used what he claims to be the most sensitive scientific instrument he has available — his finger — to determine that the tumor is completely gone. Dead. Kaput. He wants me to get a sigmoidoscopy in six weeks and a PET scan in three months, and he’ll want to  examine me every three months for the next couple years. But right now, I am officially cancer-free. Chance of recurrence is highest in the first 2-3 years. If it does not recur in 3 years, I’m considered cured.

It hasn’t entirely sunk in yet. But it does seem that the lights have been switched on in the part of my mind labelled “future.” I still feel cracked-open and heart-peeled, but the fear and anxiety are gone and I’m open to joy and simply enjoying the miracle of being alive and present in this wonderful world. Maybe the openness will begin to become enclosed by the quotidien details of everyday life. Maybe I will be able to use this opening to become a more compassionate human.

It will take me another 90 days to get back to 90% of my energy level, and up to a year to get back to 100%.

Thank you so much. I love you.

Yay!